Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
