take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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