ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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