Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
