I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
