He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
