Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
