I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
