speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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