stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
