she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
