If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
