I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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