Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
