you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
