Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
