Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
