he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
