Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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