her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize