I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
