i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize