There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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