a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
