I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
They have beer where we have blood.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
