things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
