im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He's on the porch naked. Help.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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