I feel like abortions should bother me more
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
