I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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