I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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