last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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