I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize