Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
one might say we're banned from that church
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
