I heard we made out
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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