I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
