i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
