conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
