so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
