I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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