I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
