____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We need to get me chipped asap
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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