I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
