why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
