You're earring is so big in my mouth
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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