She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
