I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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