I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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