it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize