So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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