Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
