I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize