happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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