i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
