Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
being pregnant is like rehab
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
