U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
