I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
