You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize