i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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