girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
