I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
