her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
