so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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