I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
