i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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