It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
