girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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