I think I am morally bankrupt
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
