so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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